104
|
WINTER
2015
brid
g
ing
g
ap
the
Story By Judith Plaxton
The journey fromabusyworking life
to retirement isonecomposedof optimisticplans: time to
write that novel, learn toplay thepiano, orat least bring the
golf handicapdown toanacceptable level. Now thatwe’ve
arrived,wedowant to learnnew skillsandkeep fit butmain-
taining theagilityof thebrainhasbecomeapriority. Frequently
misplaced readingglassesand lost car keys later found in the
refrigeratorareonlymarginallyamusing.
Wearedetermined tokeepourmental statuspercolating; he
pencilsnumbers inSudokugridsand I amproud tocomplete
thecrosswordwithout lookinganythingup.
“Not enough,”our friends tell us. “Youneed to takeupbridge!”
Memoriesof dormitory foursomes surface: cardgamesat
midnight;wepracticed smokingcigaretteswhileweplayed.
“Oh, that’s ‘kitchen’ bridge. Youneed to learnduplicate.”
Wearen’t convinced. Agolfmateofmyhusbandexplains
hisavoidanceof thegame. “Bridge is simplya seriesof small
humiliations.Whywould Imake theeffort toplayagameof
cards so that I can thenbe treatedwithdisdain?”
“Competitive?”
“Bridge is the trueblood sport.”
We think it surelycan’t be that bad; signup for lessonsandon
theappointeddaymakeourway to the leisurecentre, soon to
become the tensionand torturecentre,managedbyagenial
dominatrixcalledTiffany, our instructor.
At thebeginning, bridge isaswe remember it, fifty-twocards
and four suits. There is the rememberedhierarchyof spades,
hearts, diamondsandclubs. Acesarehigh,worth fourpoints,
thenking three, queen two, jacksone, etc.
So far, easy.
Then it’s time for the first lesson: bidding thehand. This seems
straightforward. Count thecardsandwith thirteenpointsor
morebida suit. Butwhich suit? With fivecardsormore, bid
that suit. With two fivecard suitsbid thehighest ranking. With
no five-card suit, bidyour longestminor suit. With two three
cardminor suits, bid the lowest ranking.
Mymotherwouldbeappalled. Whoever heardof biddinga suitwithonly
threecards? Weare told tomemorize this information.
There’smore tocome. Atweeklyclasseswe reviewbiddingno trump, pre-
emptivebidding, responding, rebidding, overcalls, and takeout doubles.
When it’s time toplaywearecautioned tokeep trackof thecards, remem-
berwhobidwhat, howmanyhavebeenplayedandhowmanyare left.
Themind reels.
We learn it is consideredpoor form togrimace, sigh, archone’sbackor
moan in response toyourpartner’sbid. Apolitepoker face is
requiredat all times. Kickingunder the tableorwhistling ‘diamondsarea
girl’sbest friend’ arebothviewedasdesperateanddeplorablemeasures;
and if yourpartnerpresentsapoorlycommunicated ‘dummy’ hand, you
must nevertheless say“thankyoupartner”not “WHATTHE…?”
